whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
In America we eat man semen.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
