i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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