girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
