It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You left your phone here
Wait...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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