don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
