Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
