who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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