I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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