The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
