I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
