I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
