my text book just quoted the cookie monster
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
