The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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