Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
