The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
