you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
