And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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