Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
