this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
