I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am mentally ready for anal.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
