I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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