Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Your dad touched me again.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
