Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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