So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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