i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
