So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
