I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
