Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
