We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
