Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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