lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
