Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
