Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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