cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
