Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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