Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
