Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm getting married
To pizza
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
