i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
