i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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