no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
