Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
