there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
