dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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