she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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