Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
