yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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