Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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