I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving