toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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