This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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