I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
