so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
did i walk over a car last night?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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