I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize