If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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