So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
