There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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