i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my shit smells like andre
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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