I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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