The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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