I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
