It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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