You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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