I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
