the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have aggressive nipples.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
