Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
