the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
