I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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