Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
God I need to hump something, right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
