i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
