So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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