I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
