I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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