That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
